We all know juggling life is tough, its tests you and pushes. Sometimes in to much we juggle to much with out realising till we crash. Thats where we are as a family right now.
Im so lucky to homeschool my son as we still get our precious time, but running three shops that open 7am-11pm everyday staffed with 30 staff is tough, there’s always a drama, disater, they have no thought of our personal or family time, they ring us like dial a taxi and expect rapid response else its met with either repeated phone calls (the ones you think need a 999) response or ?????? text messages. Im sure they think were robots who dont eat or sleep or actually i think the problem is they dont think at all.
The excuses they arrive with when they dont show up for shift are worthy of there own post, but explaining to them theu are responsible and employed in the job they look at you with a blank look. Even setting times they arent aloud to ring is still set with a blank gaze.
We originally decided to work for ourself due to my health and serve anxiety disorder, at first it was good but as we grew and became more successful and opened more stores we needed staff, this is my struggle as although i come across as a confident person i struggle to engage with people im very black and white in thinking and cant understand why i have to repeatedly repeat myself. Its tough working with people but in the line of business weee in its a everyday buying game so stock is constantly needed there is no break, no holiday your always on call.
which leads to burnout, anxiety, fatigue and fibro flare ups.
family life goes out the window and each days a struggle. Big decisions have needed to be made and business sold time for a change and a new way of life.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been a worrier my first memory was my mum going shopping to the supermarket and leaving me at home with my grandma, I remember thinking she was never coming back I cried and cried in reality she must have been gone a hour at the most.
This worrying grew with me it was like a weight on my shoulders I worried at school, I worried at lunch and I would worry if I wasn’t in bed at the same time everyday that something awful would happen. My only release from the worry was to dance. I loved to dance and went to lessons most days after school, during school I’d often feel sick with worry and spend my hours asking to be sent home but as soon as it got to dance time I was free my worry lifted and I would dance till I couldn’t dance anymore. Instead of being worried I channeled that worry into being the best, I was competitive but successful I drove my self to work harder to achieve and be the best.
Weekends would arrive and I would set of to competitions with my 7 costumes for my 7 solos, I always felt so proud as my mum made the most beautiful costumes but yet I look back now and I feel sad as that little girl who was driven to be the best was unliked by many at school and at dance when really I was just shy worried and anxious yet people took my weakness and used that to dislike me.
Most of my school years I was badly bullied for different reasons as I grew. I hated school and only went as I want to go to dance lessons, my heart was set and I was going to be a professional ballet/ contemporary dancer my name was well know in the competition circuits and I trained so hard to achieve where I wanted to be, my worry and anxiety drive my ambition. At 15 I auditioned for full time dance school and was offered full scholarship for two of my dream training schools. Everything was great then bang o was I’ll, I spent the summer coming up to moving away back wards and forwards to hospital having many different blood test, I had glandular fever but I didn’t recover as I was so burnt out.
I moved away to dance school but after 6 months had to move home I couldn’t cope my body was worn out at 16 I felt old my gp diagnosed me with m.e/chronic fatigue the consultant said I had burn out to much to young.
Looking back I had anxiety chronic anxiety, I suffered adrenaline flushed, shakes, viral unwellness the symptom list could go on. For 18 months I lost my life I didn’t leave the house I was isolated I lost all my friends, they wasn’t interested as I couldn’t go out or talk about the things they all enjoyed. My dream had stopped and I’d lost my way.